Eli did everything fast. He was fast to roll over, sleep through the night, crawl, and even get his tooth. I was in a contest with Andrew to try to get Eli to say 'mama' as his first word instead of 'dada'. We waited and waited for his first word. We both lost the contest. His first words were bye bye. (Daddy ended up coming before mommy) I was so surprised to see that he was not early to talk since he did everything else so early, but I had been told by many people that boys do not feel the need to talk like girls do. When he finally began talking, everything sounded like babble. I would hear other children talk and could understand what they were saying but it was a struggle to communicate verbally with Eli. Instead of saying Daddy, Andrew got the name 'Doowah'. He had about 3 ear infections and the doctors were not really worried with his speech and kept informing me that when he turned 3 he should be speaking fine. I realized that what they were telling me was probably true however, Eli did not say ANY of his words correctly. I was told many times that I was just a paranoid mother and that he would grow out of it. I was comparing him to other children and he will learn at his own rate. Although I am sure everyone had good intentions of telling me this, I know my child better than anyone and I could tell something was just not right. I asked to doctor if he would refer me to a hearing doctor just to get his ears checked for my own peace of mind. I was told that he was probably too young (age 2) but he would let me get him evaluated. When I took him to the doctor, they did a test and said he had a ton of fluid behind his ears and the reason he probably did not speak clearly was because everything sounds baffled and like he is under water. We scheduled him to have tubes put in his ears the following week.
Since we have had tubes, we have not had another ear infection. His confidence in speaking has shot through the roof. He talks all the time and has a very large vocabulary. Although his vocaublary grew tremendously, only Andrew and I can understand most of what he is saying. The way he says his words makes for a very tough communication problem. I knew that I could get help through the school system when he turned three so I just prayed for him and let time take its course.
I notice that Eli can get very angry when no one knows what he is trying to say. He knows very well what he means to say but a lot of the time he has to repeat his words 3-6 times before someone can understand him. I know it must be frustrating for him and it breaks my heart when I can't figure it out. We started sign language some and he loved that. He learned very quickly and it helped him express himself in a whole new way.
There are some things he does and I never knew why he did it. For example, I probably have tell him 50 times a week not to hit the dog. I have tired verbally communicating why we don't hit her, time out, and even resulted to spanking him. Even though he hates being in trouble it would literally be two minutes later and he was hitting the dog again. When he wants my attention he grabbes my face and makes me look at him so I can try to figure out what he is saying but he pinches when he grabbes me. I tell him that it hurts and he looks at me like he does not understand. These are a few of the many issues that I have been struggling with him but I have always come to the conclusion that he is just a toddler and this is normal. So many times I have felt hopeless because talking to him would not work for punishment, taking a toy away did not work, time out did not work, he would laugh if I would pop his hand or his bottom and I did not know how to express to him that it is not ok to hit or pinch. He would just look at me confused as to why I am upset. I could not help but to wonder if he was just testing me or if he truly did not understand what I was telling him. He is incredibly smart and learns things so fast that I couldnt help but to feel like he was trying to get away with things. I cried many times because I did not know what to do to make communication easier. Does he act out for attention? Does he enjoy hitting? Am I doing something to cause this? Can I do anything to fix this? Again hitting the dog is just one example of very many things.
I have noticed that Eli needs to be held or touched a lot more than other children his age. He loves to be held. He will put my hand on his back and press it down for a close contact. I love my snuggle boy but I was just surprised that was still okay with mommy rocking him or holding his hand all the time. A lot of times he would lay down of the floor and press my foot hard into his back and want me to leave it there. He also did this with friends who came over, grandparents and Andrew. I thought it was odd but maybe for some reason he liked feet.
He turned 3 about two weeks ago and I very actively started perusing speech. I found a therapist that was wonderful! I felt like she would do a wonderful job with Eli and so I set up an appointment with her. Andrew and I took him to speech today. She evaluated him by doing flash cards and watching him play. She talked to Andrew and I and asked a lot of questions about his behavior. Eli really liked the therapist which made me happy because he has a very hard time opening up around new people.
The more questions he asked, the more I felt like she had known my child for years. She was addressing issues that I had been struggling with him for a very long time. She thought he was a very sweet boy who was very intelligent. She wants to continue to work on speech with him and thinks that the way he will pronounce his words will improve with time. She also said that she thinks he has a sensory processing disorder. An Occupational Therapist works with children with this problem and she wanted to refer me to one to help him. When we began discussing this issue, one of her questions was does he have a high pain tolerance. Andrew and I quickly answered YES! She brought up the hitting the dog situation and said that a lot of time children with this disorder do not know they are hitting. That he may honestly think that he is just petting the dog. When he grabbes me or pinches that he does not know that it hurts me because it does not hurt him. It explained so much to me about how sometimes I am talking to a wall and he continues to do the things that were getting him in trouble.She informed me that that is very normal because he probably does not understand what I am trying to say to him.
I know Eli is a good kid. He would never intentionally hurt someone. He shares with others and 99% of the time has a very good report home from school with him. I just did not understand why he kept doing things that got him in trouble numerous times but today I got answeres. I felt this overwhelming amount of guilt poor over me for punishing him so many times. For getting so angry because he didnt understand like I thought he should. I looked for ways to punish him for not obeying but I was not looking into what can I do if he doesnt get it. I learned that a lot of times children with SPD have this urge of pressure in their bodies and they can be aggressive at times with out knowing they are. That when he is climbing, hitting, or jumping on things all the time it is not for attention, it is because his body craves stimulation. From what I am learning about SPD there are two types: Hyposensivity and Hypersensitivity. Eli falls under the categoric of Hypo-sensitivity. Andrew and I did some research on it when we got home and so many of Eli's actions fall under this category. It basiclly is the need to be stimulated excessively. It explained him not being able to sit still, why he wants to be touched all the time, grinding his teeth and shaking some time. So many of my thoughts about some of his odd behaviour at times became something that I was understanding.
I love my child and no matter what life brings to us I have no doubt that God will bring us through it. I do not have the answers that I want yet. I am so anxious for him to meet with the Occupational Therapist. I am so angry with myself for not knowing how to work with this disorder sooner. I hate the word disorder so I would rather call it a challenge. For the first time today, when I talked to someone about the struggles I have with him, someone listened and understood without thinking I am a helicopter parent or just worried over nothing. I felt such a relief but also an over powering wave of confusion. Where do I go from here? What is next? Will he grow out of this? What can I do to help?
He will meet with his speech therapist once a week and also meet with an OT once a week. I am ready for answers. I feel like my tolerance for the things that would get me upset is growing so much already from just having knowledge about the challenge that we are going to work through. I feel like we are starting him in the right direction at such an early age that we will be able to work through these issues and come out stronger as a family.
I love my child. I will love him always. There is nothing that he can do that will ever change that. I know no mother wants to feel like there is something in their child's life that can make things more difficult for them. I like most mothers, only want what is best for my son. I know God has a plan and a purpose for his life and I am so excited to see what the future holds for him.
There are so many things that I used to say before I had a child. I would say things like that mother needs to get her child under control, I would never let my child act like that, if I were her I would have spanked him and put an end to that..... I was so ignorant. I know now not to judge a parent by the tantrum her child is throwing in the store. I do not know that child or what that child goes through. I have learned reasoning with a toddler can be near impossible. I know that no matter how hard I try, I will never be a perfect parent. I am ok with that. I have learned that life is not about raising the smartest, prettiest, most athletic, or most well behaved child. It is about the love and relationship built and the memories. So many times you can get caught up in trying to raise a good child and forget you already have one. I am blessed beyond measures. I know now that the little things are the big things. I can not worry about the future because I have no control over it. God reminds me so frequently that there is a plan and a purpose and he does not make mistakes. The plan he has my future is so much greater than anything I could ever want for myself. AND ITS NOT ABOUT ME...ITS ABOUT HIM! My goal is not to be the perfect family because I would be setting myself up to fail, but to raise my son to be Christ like and to do the best I can at being his mother.
So all of that to say this, I want to track Eli's progress through blogging. I want to learn from other parents who have gone through similar situations. I look foward to obtaining more knowledge on SPD.
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